Boundaries

What makes you afraid?

     What gives you the jumps? The shakes? The heebie-jeebies? Really think about it and be honest. Pick the one thing that frightens you the most. Hold it in your mind and then think about whether you've run toward or away from that thing in your life. Have you looked into it? Have you researched the phenomena/animal/serial killer psychology that frightens you so? Have you tried to recreate experiences that terrified you in order to deal with them? The answer determines the way that you deal with fear.

     I have Selachophobia. It developed over years and years and I don't know how it got to be so bad that I consider it a real phobia. If I am in any body of water (lake, ocean, even backyard pool) and I am alone I start to panic. I start to vividly imagine sea creatures emerging from the blue around me and eating or attacking me. I've woken up screaming from dreams where I'm being attacked by sharks. It is completely irrational and I am an otherwise mentally healthy person.

     I've loved sharks my entire life. I think, given the chance, I would swim with them. So what frightens me? It's not the animals themselves but being alone in water. Something about having no one else there gives me panic attacks. Which, in water, is actually quite dangerous. There is no name for this so I've settled on Selachophobia to make things easy.

So how do I deal with this bizarre and often crippling fear?




     I run towards it. I've gone snorkeling in muddy ocean water with manatees. I've swum in the ocean for hours. I've done laps in massive pools completely alone. If it becomes too much and I panic I thrash over to the edge, pull myself out as quickly as possible, let the fear subside, take a deep breath, and jump back in. Don't get me wrong; it is fucking terrifying. Closing my eyes in that moment before I re-enter the water is a moment of pure, primal fear. Still, I consider it a challenge that should be overcome. I tend to run towards fear.

     I spend hours each week finding creepy fiction, good horror movies, scary images, and real life horror stories. Fear and awful things fascinate me. I believe it's because society generally chooses to pretend that these things don't exist. "War is just a word. There's no way I could ever be the victim. My family is safe."

     It's worth it to embrace the fear and explore your feelings.

What do you think? Comment and let me know.